'The Fool on the Hill' by The Beatles

Dammit dammit dammit.

Why all the drama, man?
I thought I was a kook, a freak that would never fall prey to this kind of petty feelings.
Turns out otherwise.

If you have followed me, I think you'd know that I have written some posts on the subject of 'love'.
Truthfully, I am very, very confused about the whole business.

Is it...? Nah, it can't be.... But perhaps...? Is she...? No, I'm not.... Really...?

Do you want to know the truth?

I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THIS KIND OF FEELINGS.

I don't want to fall in love.
I want to be free. Free from all bonds and attachments. Including that of romantic love.

Alas, it had happened. (I think. Read my posts titled 'Futility' and 'Tribute'.)
I wish it hadn't, but it did.

Now I try very hard to forget them and just be friends.
But something always happens to keep me hoping.
Come on. Why can't I just chill about this?

Some days my brain says "you can live without her, dude".
On others, it says "ask her out, man, you know you want to".
But I don't. I don't know what I want. I am still confused.

Sometimes I think I listen to too many love songs.
Sometimes I think I have gone out of the way I had intended to.
But then sometimes I think that it's perfectly fine.

Maybe you'd say that this is okay.
That this is normal. That this is human.
To quote Harry Potter in his agony,
"THEN I DON'T WANT TO BE HUMAN."

Again, I hate this kind of mixed-up feelings.
How many times have I wished for death?
Really, honestly, I would gladly die.

So, John, yes, I suppose I am that fool who plays it cool by making my world colder.
Don't let Jude near me. Heh heh.
Really? Do you think that I am a fool?

I know, this is petty. I know.
I know that other people can handle this. So why can't I?
Why must I torture myself so?
Why must I deny my feelings?

Ah, maybe I think about this too much.
I really want to say 'screw this, I'm going'.

BUT I CAN'T!!! WHY?!