Bingung? Selalu.

Hahahahahaha! Yess gw ketawa lagi! Mari kita manfaatkan kesempatan ini!

Kemaren gw ama temen nonton Public Enemies di Citos. Trus selama nunggu, main di Timezone. Gw trus beli susu. Buat apa? Buat diminum lah! Haha.

Tapi trus temen gw ada yang nyeletuk.
"Eh gw kayaknya pernah baca di mana gitu katanya susu itu ga bagus."
"Ga bagus maksudnya?"
"Yaa ga bagus buat kesehatan."

Habis itu gw ama dia agak berbincang-bincang dikit soal itu. Tapi yang ada di pikiran gw adalah....

Kenapa kita minum susu sapi???

Serius. Sapi ga minum susu kuda toh? Trus kenapa manusia minum susu sapi? Dan susu-susu lainnya juga? Susu kuda, susu kerbau, susu kambing juga diminum kan?

Mungkin ada yang bakal bilang, 'Oh iya, soalnya susu mengandung kalsium bla bla bla bagus untuk tulang bla bla bla bergizi bla bla bla.' Tapi (koreksi aja kalo salah) bukannya manusia minum susu sapi bahkan sebelom kita tau kandungan susu itu sendiri? Dari zaman kapan gitu. Di Alkitab (salah satu sumber sejarah yang paling awal yang gw pernah baca) udah ditulis kok soal susu.

Trus kalo dipikir lebih lanjut ya, sebenernya gw agak heran ngeliat pola makan manusia. Kayaknya segala macem dimakan. Daging dimakan. Taneman juga. Susu juga. Madu juga. Dan ini belom soal makanan yang diolah lho. Masih yang berupa bahan mentah.

Maksud gw gini. Singa, dengan makan daging doang, bisa bertahan hidup. Kuda, biarpun cuma makan rerumputan sama mungkin buah, juga selamat-selamat aja. Dan mereka ga perlu tau bahwa daging mengandung protein apa dan apa atau bahwa buah mengandung sukrosa dan lemak dan lain-lain. Sementara manusia, karena kita 'tau' bahwa segala macem itu mengandung bahan-bahan yang dianggap 'baik' dan 'berguna' untuk tubuh, kita makan itu. Ya kan? Bahkan kita sampe mengekstrak atau mensintesis bahan-bahan yang diperlukan itu dalam keadaan murni. Kayak obat, misalnya.

Jadi, intinya, gw bingung. Sebenernya, makanan alami buat manusia itu apa? Biji-bijiankah? Buahkah? Dagingkah?

Atau, mungkin, kalo diliat dari sudut pandang evolusi (ya, gw percaya evolusi, jadi bagi orang-orang yang percaya bahwa manusia diciptakan untuk menguasai dan mengatur dunia dan segala isinya, maaf aja), mungkin yang terjadi adalah gini: kita, manusia, adalah keturunan dari makhluk-makhluk yang, untuk alasan apapun, terbiasa makan segala macem makanan. Dan mungkin itu yang bikin kita (menurut kita, paling enggak) lebih canggih, lebih mutakhir, lebih kompleks daripada hewan-hewan lainnya. Mungkin begitu.

Dan mungkin masih ada kemungkinan-kemungkinan lain! Hahahahaha! Seru abis.

'The Fool on the Hill' by The Beatles

Dammit dammit dammit.

Why all the drama, man?
I thought I was a kook, a freak that would never fall prey to this kind of petty feelings.
Turns out otherwise.

If you have followed me, I think you'd know that I have written some posts on the subject of 'love'.
Truthfully, I am very, very confused about the whole business.

Is it...? Nah, it can't be.... But perhaps...? Is she...? No, I'm not.... Really...?

Do you want to know the truth?

I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THIS KIND OF FEELINGS.

I don't want to fall in love.
I want to be free. Free from all bonds and attachments. Including that of romantic love.

Alas, it had happened. (I think. Read my posts titled 'Futility' and 'Tribute'.)
I wish it hadn't, but it did.

Now I try very hard to forget them and just be friends.
But something always happens to keep me hoping.
Come on. Why can't I just chill about this?

Some days my brain says "you can live without her, dude".
On others, it says "ask her out, man, you know you want to".
But I don't. I don't know what I want. I am still confused.

Sometimes I think I listen to too many love songs.
Sometimes I think I have gone out of the way I had intended to.
But then sometimes I think that it's perfectly fine.

Maybe you'd say that this is okay.
That this is normal. That this is human.
To quote Harry Potter in his agony,
"THEN I DON'T WANT TO BE HUMAN."

Again, I hate this kind of mixed-up feelings.
How many times have I wished for death?
Really, honestly, I would gladly die.

So, John, yes, I suppose I am that fool who plays it cool by making my world colder.
Don't let Jude near me. Heh heh.
Really? Do you think that I am a fool?

I know, this is petty. I know.
I know that other people can handle this. So why can't I?
Why must I torture myself so?
Why must I deny my feelings?

Ah, maybe I think about this too much.
I really want to say 'screw this, I'm going'.

BUT I CAN'T!!! WHY?!

Ehhh.... Ehmmm..... WAAUGH bingung mau ngasih judul apa!

WOOOW.

Gw ternyata udah kehilangan banyak kesempatan reunian sama temen-temen SD.
Enggak menyesal sih. Gw ga mau menyesal. Cuman sayang aja hahaha.
Ugh jadi nostalgia nih yahahaha.

Selain itu, gw kemaren baru mengalami Perjamuan Kudus pertama gw! Wooooo!
Bagi yang gak tau, Perjamuan Kudus itu intinya makan roti (yang menyimbolkan tubuh Yesus) dan minum anggur (sebagai simbol darah Yesus). Yap, kami makan roti dan minum anggur di dalam tempat ibadah hahahaha.
Ehm, sebenernya ga begitu penting sih.
Dan, kalo mau jujur, gw agak-agak gimana gitu. Tidak seperti perkiraan gw haha.

Pertama, rotinya. Dari dulu, dari pas SD pas gw sekolah di sekolah Katolik, gw selalu penasaran setiap Misa, temen-temen gw yang udah komuni maju ke depan, terus dikasih hosti, terus dimakan. Gw penasaran abis tentang HOSTI. Yang gw liat sih kayak benda putih berbentuk kepingan kira-kira seukuran uang logam 100-an yang dulu yang ada gambar gunungan wayangnya. Dan kemaren gw makan itu. Ternyata? Kayak roti yang buat harum manis, cuman lebih padet dan lebih alot. Rasanya? Ya kayak roti harum manis itu. Ga ada. Kira-kira kayak makan kertas tipis lah hahahaha. Lewat aja tanpa terasa.

Kedua, anggurnya. Sangat, sangat, SANGAT tidak sesuai perkiraan. Baunya sih lumayan. Tapi ternyata sama sekali ga keras. Emang sih, cuma satu sloki kecil gitu. Cuman, tetep aja, alkoholnya rasanya dikit banget. Bahkan lebih dikit daripada bir. Yah tapi mungkin sebaiknya begitu ya? Hahaha lucu juga kan kalo abis minum anggur ada yang mabok dalem gereja.

Kerupuk: (minum anggur)
[lima belas menit kemudian]
Kerupuk: (mabok, sambil loncat-loncat ke arah mimbar) "Kalian semua itu kayak kebo tau gak! HAHAHAHAHAH" (lalu pingsan)

Kesimpulan? Kalo mau makan roti dan minum anggur, ga usah ke gereja. Udah rasanya ga jelas, dikit lagi.
Yaaah, tapi gratis sih! HAHAHAHAHA!

Statistics! Probabilities! Chance!

I have promised you that I will tell you about my views on God. Not religions. God.

In this post I shall discuss one aspect of my God.

Firstly, have you watched the movie 'Knowing'? In it, the main character raised a topic. (This is not the exact wording, you see.)

"Is our universe created deliberately? Did some kind of Being created this universe with a certain purpose set?"
"Or is the universe just an accident? One probability amongst millions? Is our being here purely the result of sheer chance?"

What do you think?

I think both might be simultaneously correct, in certain aspects.

Yes, I believe that we were created deliberately by something or someone. Let's call this creator 'God'. So, I believe that God created us.

But just what did God create?

I believe that God created EVERYTHING. It's not the case of 'everything in this universe is created by God'. Rather, 'God created everything, including this universe'.

Can you guess what I'm getting at?

God created EVERYTHING. Every possibility. Everything God can create, God has created.

Do you understand what this means?

It means that we are bound to happen sometime.

So, yes, we are one possibility amongst googols. We are one card in decks of cards. But that doesn't necessarily mean that we are accidents.

To sum it up, God created everything with intent. Including us.

Hey, but this is just my beliefs. I could be wrong.

But I could be right! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!



(Forgive me if I'm not clear enough. When I wrote this, I had some difficulties expressing my thoughts into words. So, if you have any questions, please post them as comments. I will do my best to answer them.)